Thursday, October 6, 2011


Ok.  Where to begin?  I am so lost in the throes of vertigo that I have decided to sit down and write to see if somehow I can stop this feeling of falling so utterly and completely out of control.  Today we had bloodwork and a regular in-between chemo checkup at the hospital and today was the day we had to sit down and speak with the oncologist about the news we had from Germany.  Specifically, we had to discuss the fact that the German doctors concider Alejandro's lesion to be operable.

The day before yesterday, the surgeons from our hospital met to review the results from the latest MRI and yesterday they met with our oncologist to give her their impresion.  Well, as it turns out, our surgeons agree with the Germans.  They too think that the lesion is operable.  It wouldn't just be the surgeon that operated in March.  In addition, the head of the trauma department, who specializes in this kind of surgery (to the pelvis, back, regions with many nerves, etc.) would be there.  We have to meet with them next Tuesday to discuss the details, but if we decide to go ahead with it, Alejandro will be in the operating room by next Thursday, or Friday at the latest!!   Whew. This is an operation that entails certain risks that I prefer to discuss in more detail on Tuesday, once the decision is made.  But, basically there are two things that could happen.  A life-long neuropathy or a "limp" foot.  In the first case scenario,  if there is a very large risk of the neuropathy being significant, I imagine we will decide not to go ahead with the operation.  In the second case,  we will want more details.  I would also like to think that there exists the possibility of telling them to go ahead, with the condition of pulling out if they deem it to risky to continue with the resection.  At least in this case, they would be able to take some tissue from different sites to biopsy.  This would be very helpful in determining exactly what we are up against, since, although contained, the tumor doesn't seem to be shrinking any more and still lights up, however slightly. 

Neither is a decision that any parent should have to make.  What to give the kids for dinner, if they should participate in an after-school activity or not, if it's ok to have a sleepover or what video game is appropriate.  These are the kind of decisions I see myself capable of making.  Not if it is better to have life-long sciatica or a limp foot in exchange for a complete resection of a tumor that could grow and metastisize, or perhapse not.  And then, of course, there is Germany.  To provide Alejandro with the best oportunity for this antibody treatment to work, he should go into it with the least disease burden possible.  If this surgery could put him back into "remission" (No Evidence of Disease or NED in NB-speak), then, isn't it worth it?  Well, now I just don't know.  When I thought surgery was impossible, it all seemed so to clear to me.  Why can't we operate if that will bring Ale back to NED?  Well, now I don't know.  With this moment staring us in the face, just days away, I find myself left with only doubts.  We will have to wait and see what they tell us on Tuesday.  And in the meantime, I hope we can find the peace and tranquility we will need to make the right desision.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Robin, so hard. I guess I'd risk it . . . .