Tuesday, October 11, 2011
It's 2:15. I should be going to bed now. I've been going over and over and over the surgery thing and keep ending up in the same place- I have no idea what we should do. A helpless feeling. Ale is great, active, full of energy. What if we make the wrong decission. To operate or not? Which is the wrong decision? And the right? How will we know? I know I need to let this go at least for tonight and get some rest so tomorrow I will be able to think clearly when we meet with the surgeons. It is just so hard to shake off this feeling of utter helplessness. How will we know what is best for Alejandro? Do we decide with our heads or with our hearts? He just seems so "healthy". We know he isn't. We know the situation can change in a heartbeat. But to see him, to live with him and play with him, right now you would never know. That is what is making all of this so tremendously difficult. Without that tumor inside of him he will be NED (no evidence of disease) and in the best possible moment for the antibody therapy in Germany. But I am being assaulted by all the "what ifs". Tomorrow we will see. We will listen to what the surgeons have to say and we will make the best decision we possibly can. Tomorrow I'll let you know.